Girlie Wisdom

          Women over 50 don't have babies because

they would put them down and forget where they left them.

                                                One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound

>box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5lbs.

            My mind not only wanders, it sometimes

leaves completely.

     The best way to forget your troubles is

to wear tight shoes.

            The nice part about living in a small

town is that

                        when you don't know what you are doing,

someone else does.

                        The older you get, the tougher it is to

lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good

friends.

Just when I was getting used to

yesterday, along came today.

            Sometimes I think I understand

everything, and

            then I regain consciousness.

                        I gave up jogging for my health when my

thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers.

Every 7 minutes of everyday, someone in

an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Amazing! You hang something in your

closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

            Skinny people irritate me! Especially

when they say things like...

            “You know, sometimes I forget to eat!"

.....Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my

keys. But I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind

if you are that

stupid to forget to eat!

A friend of mine confused her Valium

with her birth control pills...she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

            My body is not all that communicative

but I heard from it the other day after I said "Body, how would you like

>to go to the six o'clock class of vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my

body said

            "Listen bitch.....do it and die."

            The trouble with some women is that they

get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the

>typical symptoms of stress are - eating too much; impulse buying and

>driving too fast.  Are they kidding?  That's my idea of a perfect day!

I

WORSHIP

LOWA

J

HAPPY?